A Few Good Marketers

A Few Good Marketers

Jessep: You want conversions?

Kaffee: I think I’m entitled to them.

Jessep: You want conversions?

Kaffee: I want the clicks.

Jessep: You can’t handle the clicks! Son, we live in a world that has web pages. And those web pages have to be built for persuasion. Who’s going to do it? You? You, IT manager?

I want greater usability than you can possibly fathom. You weep for FrontPage software and you curse user-centered design. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that those extra hours spent tailoring good pages saves customers. And my hypothesis-driven approach, while incomprehensible to you, saves customers.

You don’t want the clicks because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at staff meetings, you want me on that testing platform. You need me on that testing platform. We use words like design, message match, and segmentation. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent marketing something. You use them as a Powerpoint.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very revenue I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up an optimizer and write some tests. Either way, I don’t give a darn what you think you’re entitled to!

Kaffee: Did you order the post-click platform?

Jessep: I did the job you sent me to do.

Kaffee: Did you order the post-click platform?

Jessep: You’re goshdarn right I did!!

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