21 native ads for marketing geeks that will shock you

I get exposed to a lot of low-brow native advertising as I puruse the web. If this is the result of intentional, personalized targeting — yikes — I shudder to imagine the profile that these advertisers have concocted for me. I’m constantly being tempted to learn surprising secrets of weight loss, the one trick my bank really doesn’t want me to know about my mortgage, and shocking revelations of aging actors from the 80’s.

Every day, these Sirens of the Internet beckon me to click to their seductive songs.

But I resist. Not because I know that what lies on the other side of that click is crap. The beauty of these native ads is that we all know there’s crap on the other side of that click-through by now. But still we’re drawn to the crap, like moths to the flame.

No, I resist because, well, I’m not really that intrigued about diets, mortgages, or actors from the 80’s. I’m a red-blooded marketing geek. So if you really want to stir my curiosity, these are the kind of irresistible native ad headlines that I would be absolutely compelled to click on:

Marketers Stunned by Incredible Find in Latest Salesforce Update

You Won’t Believe This Really Gross Call-to-Action Works So Well

When She Ran a Simple A/B Test, She Didn’t Expect THIS Outcome

It Looks Like a Regular Ad, But When People Click It — WOW!

One Amazing Trick to Instantly Double Your Email Open Rate

Dreading a Social Media Crisis? Then Don’t Watch THIS!

OMG! Did This Marketer Actually Say THAT to the Board?!

CMO Reveals Bizarre Bathtub Ritual for Boosting Lead Scores

5 Tell-Tale Signs That Your Agency Is Getting Adtech Kickbacks

Terrified CMO Never Expected Predictive Analytics to Predict THIS

35 Bi-Coastal Marketing Tech VCs: #17 Will Shock You

Marketers Feel Foolish For Not Knowing This HubSpot Secret

Forget the Marketing Cloud. Next Oracle Sensation Leaked

How This Adorable Puppy Is Disrupting a $1 Billion Ad Campaign

1 Dirty Little Secret to Reduce Marketing Operations Costs by 15%

This Quirky App Is Quickly Replacing Human Social Media Managers

The 5 Best No-Interest Credit Cards for Martech SaaS Subscriptions

The Worst-Kept Secret Among Demand Generation Marketers

6 Scientifically-Proven Features to Make Your Ebook Irresistible

Marketers Are Totally Obsessed with This Crazy Webinar Technique

7 Shocking Color Palettes That Will Transform Your Infographics

Admit it — you’d click on these too.

Okay, okay, just to clarify, the above list was written tongue-in-cheek. (I learned from my April Fool’s Joke that my sense of humor can be a little too dry.) Although I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these were actual headlines on some blog, somewhere.

However, while I’ve got your attention — watch while I demonstrate redirection from a link-baity article before your very eyes — if you want to see some intriguing headlines that are not jokes, check out the session titles for the upcoming MarTech Europe conference this fall.

The best rates on tickets expires this Friday, July 31.